Relationship Counsellor From Hell!

Commy has been considering a career change.

Tired of sitting slumped over a hot keyboard, desperate for literary and comic inspiration, he has spent some time pondering the least taxing profession and, having balanced all the options, has hit on the idea of becoming a relationship counsellor.  After all, he argues, sitting around listening to couples whinge about each other before asking them to pay at reception, does seem a staggeringly easy way to earn a crust.

Commy’s female friends felt obliged to inject a note of caution.  Having been on the receiving end of some of his little nuggets of relationship wisdom over the years (and having at least a vague idea of the qualities required to become a counsellor) they made the following salient points :-

  • if you have to ask what introspection and self-awareness is … you probably don’t have it.
  • suggesting to a crying female that the whole ‘swollen eyes/snotty nose look is not a good one on a woman’, does not imply compassionate and caring.
  • wincing while implying to that same female that her ex, ‘may have a point about the weight gain!’ does not scream tact and diplomacy.
  • picking up your phone and saying in the middle of a ‘heart to heart, ‘Sorry, I must just take this‘, belies strong interpersonal skills.
  • agreeing that, ‘yeah, I hate it when women do that too‘, is neither tolerant nor open-minded.
  • looking at your watch and reminding your client that your train ‘leaves in twenty’ does not imply patience.
  • suggesting meeting up for a drink (after being confided to that a female client ‘loses her inhibitions’ while drunk), does not signify ethical.

Oh and just in case there was any doubt…

  • cutting up all your ex-girlfriends photos and telling all your friends she was borderline frigid definitely does not confirm emotionally stability.